Back to School Anxiety: coping skills for kids (and help for parents!)
- Team Shine
- Aug 17
- 4 min read
The first day of school marks a significant milestone in every child's life. And can be an equally emotional experience for parents. Whether it's preschool, kindergarten, or elementary school, the mixture of excitement and anxiety is completely natural. Understanding how to navigate these feelings can transform what might feel overwhelming into an opportunity for growth and connection. Use the following coping skills for kids to help with back to school anxiety to both prepare children and support parents.
Understanding back to school Anxiety
School anxiety affects approximately 2-5% of school-age children. For young children, this anxiety often manifests as worry about separation from parents, fear of the unknown, and concerns about making friends. Parents may experience their own set of worries: Is my child ready? Will they be safe? Am I letting go too soon?
Acknowledging these feelings, while building confidence and coping strategies together can help both you and your child navigate first day jitters with ease.
Preparing Children for the Big Day
Start Early with Gradual Exposure
Mental health professionals recommend beginning school preparation weeks before the first day. Visit the school playground during off-hours, drive by the building, or attend any orientation events offered. Reading books about starting school, and talking through what a typical day might look like can also help your child know what to expect at school. Familiarity breeds comfort, and these small exposures can significantly reduce anxiety about the unknown environment.
Children's literature like "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn or "First Day Jitters" by Julie Danneberg can provide excellent conversation starters about school feelings.
Establish Predictable Routines
Research consistently shows that predictable routines reduce anxiety in children. Begin implementing school-year routines at least two weeks before the first day. This includes consistent wake-up times, morning routines, and bedtimes. Children feel more secure when they know what to expect, and having these routines established removes one layer of uncertainty from an already new experience.
Practice Independence Skills
Nothing builds confidence quite like competence. Spend time practicing skills your child will need at school: using the bathroom independently, raising their hand, or following two-step directions. Role-play different school scenarios, including what to do if they feel scared or need help. Learn more about ways to practice role playing with Lumie’s Lesson, Imitate.
Validate Feelings and Build Coping Skills
Validate your child’s emotions by naming what they are feeling and reassuring them that those feelings are completely normal. Share your own first-day experiences so they know they’re not alone. You might say:
“I can see you’re feeling sad about me leaving.”
“It is ok to feel sad or nervous.”
“It is hard to say goodbye and I will miss you too.”
You can also teach them simple coping tools, such as using positive self-talk or carrying a small comfort item, to help calm their mind. Find more ways to gently Reframe, Validate and Support your child’s feelings in Lumie’s Lessons.
supporting parents through the transition
Recognize Your Own Anxiety
Parental anxiety during school transitions is both common and often overlooked. In fact, a parent’s stress can strongly influence their child’s own anxiety. Recognizing and managing your feelings is not selfish, it is a vital part of helping your child feel safe and supported.
Develop Your Support Network
Connect with other parents, whether through school events, neighborhood groups, or online communities. Sharing experiences and concerns with others who understand can provide both practical advice and emotional support. Many schools offer parent coffee hours or orientation sessions specifically designed to help families connect.
Practice Self-Care
Remember that there's no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect first day. Some children will skip happily into their classroom, while others may need extra time and support. Both responses are normal, and neither reflects on your parenting abilities.
The Drop-Off: Making It Smooth
Keep Goodbyes Short and Sweet
While it may feel counterintuitive, extended goodbyes often increase anxiety for both parent and child. Develop a consistent goodbye routine, such as a special handshake, hug, and phrase like "Have a great day! I'll see you right here after school." Stick to this routine even if your child becomes upset.
Project Confidence
Children are incredibly perceptive and will pick up on your emotional state. Even if you're feeling anxious inside, try to project calm confidence. Your child needs to know that you believe they can handle this new adventure.
Trust the Professionals
Teachers and school staff are experienced in helping children through transitions. Lingering or repeatedly checking in often prolongs the adjustment period. If your child is having difficulty, ask professionals how to best comfort and support.
When to Seek Additional Support
While some anxiety is normal, persistent school refusal, physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches, regression in developmental milestones, or extreme distress that doesn't improve after several weeks may indicate the need for additional support. School counselors, child psychologists, and pediatricians can provide valuable resources and interventions.
Final Thoughts
The first day of school is just the beginning of many transitions your child will face. By approaching this milestone with patience, preparation, and understanding, you're teaching valuable life skills:
New experiences can be both exciting and scary.
Feel your feelings - they are real and won’t last forever.
They have the inner strength and coping skills to handle challenges.
Remember that adjustment takes time. Some children adapt within days, while others may need weeks or even months to feel fully comfortable. This is all within the range of normal, and your consistent support and encouragement will help them build the resilience they'll use throughout their educational journey and beyond.
The first day of school represents growth, possibility, and the beginning of your child's increasing independence. By managing both your own anxieties and theirs with compassion and practical strategies, you're setting the stage for a positive school experience and a lifetime of confident learning.
The coping strategies they learn now, such as those taught in our personalized children’s books and reinforced with Lumie’s Lessons, become tools they'll carry into future transitions. These early experiences with successfully managing anxiety build a foundation of confidence that will serve them throughout their lives.
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